Fresh Start

Do you ever ask the question. "What happened to the time?" I'm sitting here in my jammies and wondering where the month of September went. I know I was living and breathing, but everything is a blur. School started, a new class of kindergartner's got their first experience in a new, larger world of doors, rooms, large bodies, crowded halls, noise, and schedules. New teachers set up classrooms, books were checked out for the first time, homework went home, lunches were made, phone calls were answered, children were lost and then found, and everything had a hum that sometimes was pleasant and other times annoying. A new start of the school year is both exciting and overwhelming for everyone. A fresh start feels the same way. The old month gives way to the new and with it, it's own hum complete with swells, pitch, and energy. October will settle in, having found a footing in September, and we will start a more leisurely rhythm. Those kindergarteners have learned how to get from point A to B, the new teacher has survived the first hectic days and is planning for first conferences, many of the questions about lunches, buses, and schedules have been answered, and a routine is forming in the homes of families. Hopefully, October will be more of a saunter rather than a sprint. After all, we have nine more months until the finish line. I hope your fresh starts are energizing and help you with the longer journey ahead.

Technology Tangles

Wouldn't you know it. Just when I want to begin a new adventure, writing my blog, something comes along to snarl up the process. This time it was technology. I recently experienced the dreaded "hard drive crash", and the results were not pretty. Of course, the vehicle of choice was my seven year old laptop. In computer age, that's an old dog. I am not a geek, more of a dork, when it comes to being able to diagnose problems, but this death was obvious. I saw all the signs--slow awakening, loss of memory, sputtering when trying to operate. I know this sounds more like me when I wake up in the morning, but it really was my computer. Well, after all the symptoms occurred for about a week, it finally sighed it's last and I had to go into rehab while I went through the stages of grief. It looked something like this:

• Denial--What! This can't be happening! I can't afford another computer!
• Anger--I know it happened on purpose. The cosmos is against me! That machine is evil!
• Let's Make A Deal--Look, God. You know I have the best of intentions with my plan to manage my debt. Could you make a way for this new financial need and I'll write something really great about you.
• Depression--There is no life. I don't know what to do. I'll have to write--with paper and pen. I hate my life.
• Acceptance--Okay. It won't be forever. I'll wait until the income tax return comes in February.
• A Sale--You guessed it. I found a new laptop, great sale, and won't have to pay interest. I can pay it off in February and am back to the blog.

The truth of the matter is, it was only a week, but in today's world I have fallen like the rest of us into the belief that I can't survive without my cell phone, laptop, Skype, Internet, etc. I'm not as technologically bound as some, but neither am I unshackled by our modern devices. During the week, I read more, thought more, visited with my neighbor more, and spent time with my cat more. I slowed down and that wasn't so bad. I gained some perspective and I hope that I will carry that with me into the future with my new laptop. I appreciate the advantages of technology and hope that I have renewed my memory when it comes to valuing the slower pace without them.

Saturday Mornings

Ahh...sleeping in until the cat begins his subtle pats to my face and his non-stop treble of a purr. Saturday mornings are a day to snuggle in the warm bed of the night before, let my mind drift and reflect upon my now hazy dreams, and do NOTHING. There is security in the sheets, so to speak. You haven't been bombarded by the day's agenda and you are drifting between the two worlds of sleep and awake. It is a gentle time and a slower pace.

Even when I do put feet to floor, the cadence of the time snuggling stays with me. A sip of coffee, and leisurely breakfast with fresh, hot pancakes and syrup, staring out the window to gauge the weather for the day. All are unhurried and unfettered by schedules and lists. I wish I could take the feelings of a Saturday morning into the week. Life would be slower and more reflective. Who knows, maybe more meaningful things would be accomplished.

New Habit

I am not disciplined and hate pushing myself to do something. That's what trying to write creatively feels like right now. Struggling with the control freak in me to let loose and see what happens is HARD. The child who may have once had a free spirit has been stiffled and conformed for way too long. I want to let her out and loose on the page. Writing on a daily basis seems insurmountable right now. All the words that I want to flow onto the pages are held behind a stockade built by work and the dreaded priorities. Hopefully, when school gets started and I don't have to think of all the minutae of getting things set up, the gates will open again and I will be able to step out and dance in creativity again.

One of the blogs I've been following said to write something--don't take your fingers off the keys. Well, that is what has happened in this one, for sure. Not pretty, not great, but the fingers did not come off and I wrote something today that had nothing to do with work.

Disconnect

Today was a bit of a disconnect for me. It started calmly enough with a leisurely morning...sleeping in, time to actually curl the hair instead of putting it in a pony tail, and a nice drive to our annual office managers meeting. The hours missed at school trickled away and the more the meeting drug on, the more disconnected I felt. The lists in my head became jumbled and out of order. I needed to connect with my school and all that was going on to get ready for meetings and hundreds of kids and their families who would eagerly flood the hallways and classrooms in a few days. This time of year is usually like that for me. The rhythm of summer is so much more leisurely and free of the urges to "connect" with lists and projects. It takes awhile to get to the free flowing rhythm and the connected state of mind of the school year again. In the end, I really do like the ebb and flow, the  hysteria and unbalance that the new school year brings is brief. It always "connects" by October and then, like the seasons, the rhythm is established and I am balanced once again.

Beads...

Recently my best friend Mishele taught me how to make a little beaded bracelet. You have to understand, I have a bit of crafting ADHD. I glom onto something and dizzily want to spend hours for a few days and then I get distracted with something else...like writing a blog. Anyway, the time learning to bead was fun, but the real value was in the way two friends could sit quietly while creating. Occasionally, there would be words, but the comfort came from knowing that the other was there. The beads represented our shared moments filled with encouragement in hard times, laughter and silliness, and companionship that has survived long separations and distance. I'll probably remember Mishele everytime I make a bracelet and treasure our day on the porch. It will be catalogued with many others and it will circle my heart much like the finished bracelet.