Pamela's Ponderings

A long time has passed since my last post. This one will be essentially therapeutic and reflective.

I recently visited with my youngest daughter and we had seven years to catch up on. That is a long story to be told another time, but her visit has had me reflecting a lot on my relationships with my daughters. Our family has been fractured for many years as a result of their parents' selfishness and inability to put themselves aside and remember that they had two children who deserved a loving, caring home. After 20+ years of living as a divorced woman, I've had  a lot of time to reflect on not only my exes' failings, but my own as well. My girls are in their 30's now, both have children, but the similarities stop there. I can see myself in both of them. They are beautiful and creative. However, I see the results of my inability to give of myself to them. I have tried over the years to connect, but I feel a distance from them both that I can't help but wonder about. I know they have their own lives to live, but I also know that their boundaries have been restrictive when it comes to our being close. I understand that. I've had to do that with my own parents. Unfortunately, we don't get many second chances as adults with our adult children. I'm hoping that I can be more open with both of them. It is scary to take that risk. I've not had many positive relationships, but when it comes to my girls, the risk is worth it.